Doctor advised me to take horse-riding to reduce my weight, the effect is not bad. After a week, 20 pounds has been reduced. There was a point I didn’t understand: why did I have to weigh with the horse?
Reducing Weight
Jimmy’s father said to Jimmy: “You’re now grown up. You should find a wife and live happily.” Jimmy replied: “I also want to find one, but I don’t know whose wife is good.”
Girlfriend comes home
A young man took his girl friend to his home and introduced her to his mum. He said: “Mum, she is a very good girl, she can do everything: washing, cooking, ironing, doing housework….” Mum: “Ok, I decided to hire her. Let her come to work on every Tuesday and Thursday.”
Beggar and Wife
Beggar: Sir, in the past you gave me 100 cents, why do you give 50 cents today?
Kind Man: In the past I was single, I had much money left. Now I'm married, so I must reduce my expense for my family.
Beggar: How can you take my money to feed your wife?!
This one I really don’t have
A mother is asking her son.
‘Do you drink?’ ‘No’.
‘Do you smoke?’ ‘No’.
‘Do you have a girl friend?’ ‘No’.
‘This one you can have.’ ‘This one I really don’t have.’
One Telephone
After a long separation, John’s old mother came from countryside to visit him in the city. Entering the house, his mother saw a telephone on the table and said angrily: “Why have you never given me a call?” John: “Mom, you don’t have a phone at your house at the countryside.” “But you have!”
Revenge
A dad hit his son. The son was crying and told his mom: “someone hit me...” The mom said angrily: ‘who hit you? I’ll give his son a lesson!’
Coming Late
Two students were late. One of them explained to their teacher: “I had a great dream last night. It was about travelling around the world, so I’m late.” The other one said: “When he came back, I had to pick him up at the airport, so I’m late too.”
Toothache
Tom is 5 years old. One day at school…
Tom: My tooth is aching.
Teacher: Tell your mom to bring you to dentist’s.
Next day…
Teacher: Is your tooth still aching?
Tom: I don’t know, because the dentist took it away.
The Same
Martin and Martine are siblings. They study in the same class. One day, their teacher gives the class an essay. The topic of the essay is ‘My father’.
One week later, Martin and Martine give their essays to the teacher. After reading, the teacher talks to them: “Why are your essays the same?” Martin: “Because we have the same father.”
Speech of Professor
One day, the teacher formally tell the class: “If the students chatting at the middle can be as silent as those students playing cards at the back, so these students sleeping at the front won’t be interrupted.